


Where Selfishness Takes Us

by cootpancake



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Confessions, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Constipation, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, Not beta read im too lame for that, if you could call it that, post-episode 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29899815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cootpancake/pseuds/cootpancake
Summary: “But why?! Why did you come if you were just going to leave?” Langa loosened his grip slightly, wavering voice catching on his words every few seconds. But still keeping his eyes fixed on the other, scared he would run away like a terrified rabbit.'Because even though it hurts, I wanted to watch you win.'---Post-episode 9 where Langa goes after Reki, I needed some comfort food
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 182





	Where Selfishness Takes Us

**Author's Note:**

> I needed sum comfort after episode 9 because holy crap Renga is holding me at gunpoint like if i dont obey their command I will d word. Also this is my first sk8 fic go easy on me ;-;
> 
> [Follow me on twitter](https://twitter.com/cootpancake) i post about sk8 and whatnot it's a fun time i need more sk8 friends

_It’s better this way._

Never before had Reki felt so conflicted, to have such a drive to skate, yet be too afraid to get on the board. To feel like he was surrounded by people who would support him, yet they feel so far away whenever he needs them.

Shoving his hands deep into his hoodie pockets, hot breath on the cool night air. Reki didn’t ever think his final days at S would be like this, walking out on what used to be his dreams, his happiness, all because he couldn’t face his own weakness, all because he was too scared to try and cross the chasm that sat in between him and other skaters.

As much as he wanted to skate, he didn’t want to fall behind forever. Even he knew his own limits, better off quitting now and cutting his losses short.

_I don’t want to be the one responsible for holding you back, Langa._

Reki could feel hot tears welling quickly in his eyes, stinging his cheeks with warmth, trying to will them away as much as possible, he didn’t want to cry over this, because that means even his subconscious knows he wants to stay, to go back and prove that he _can._

Pivoting back on his foot, hearing footsteps come up behind him. He hadn’t even managed to make it more than several paces from the entrance gate. Not fast enough to recognise a set of hands grabbing onto the collar of his hoodie, the sound of a board clattering to the floor echoing through the nearby trees.

“Reki! Where are you going?!” Langa’s hands held tight in Reki’s hoodie, knuckles going white from his iron grip, not letting the other boy go.

“Somewhere that isn’t here.” Reki tried to feign ignorance, carelessness, but he could see the way Langa’s eyes shook. With fear? Hurt?

“But why?! Why did you come if you were just going to leave?” Langa loosened his grip slightly, wavering voice catching on his words every few seconds. But still keeping his eyes fixed on the other, scared he would run away like a terrified rabbit.

_Because even though it hurts, I wanted to watch you win._

“I wanted to at least see the first day of the tournament outside of the qualifiers.” Reki laid a hand on one of the two gripping his hoodie, trying to calmy pry Langa’s fingers out of the fabric. Putting his front of disinterest up that had become pretty common as of late.

“You came to watch but at the same time you don’t seem to care at all! You come and watch me skate, then leave afterwards like it didn’t even matter! Why would you come to see me skate if you didn’t at least care a little?” Langa’s grip fell slack, dropping his arms to his side. Reki wanted to run away, but he has spent so much of the past few days being selfish, he can at least give Langa this.

_Langa’s right, why did I come? Knowing that I was going to get upset. Knowing that something out of the many things that upset me would happen._

_It hurts to watch you succeed when I’m only seen as a bystander, I want to be there with you, not without you on the sidelines._

No words came from Reki’s mouth, only the struggled sounds of held back tears. He didn’t want to cry, he wanted to pretend that he didn’t care, for as long as he could pretend for. He already knew he was weak, not being able to appreciate his friend’s victories, but he didn’t need others knowing he was weak.

“Because I’m awful, I want to be selfish. You don’t deserve that, I’m just being… uncool.” Reki wanted to pull away and leave, the tense air strangling his every word, feeling Langa’s warm yet sorrowed gaze on him.

Reki felt a warmth press against his hand, forcing something cool into his palm. Lifting his hand up to see what was now in his grip.

His S pin.

“You aren’t awful, you’re just afraid. Maybe I don’t fully understand what you’re afraid of, but I want to help you, I want to be there with you.” Langa let his head drop down, balling his hands up into fists, trying to relieve the tension in his body. He could feel his tears starting to bead in the corners of his eyes.

“But I’m done. I’m done with feeling selfish, or feeling awful, or just like I can’t feel at all. Well- I want to be selfish, but I don’t like dealing with everything that comes after it.” The stinging tears that Reki had been holding fell over his cheeks, their streaks showing against his skin.

“You’re allowed to be selfish.” Langa lifted his hand up to lift a part of Reki’s hoodie, seeing his tearstained cheeks, frantically trying to wipe them away with the back of his hand.

“Am I though? As much as I want to be selfish, I don’t want to hurt anyone else. I don’t want to have to deal with the stuff that happens after I don’t think of anyone else.”

“Will you let me be selfish for a moment?” Langa moved his hand back up to the side of Reki’s hood, the boy wiping a final tear of his cheek.

“What? Uh- uhm- okay?”

Langa’s soft hands on Reki’s cheek, he leaned forward before he could pull away in a loss of confidence. Capturing the other’s lips in a kiss so short it might not have even been considered a kiss. But that kiss felt like an eternity, Reki’s lips still tingling from the feeling of Langa’s on his own.

“I want you to skateboard again.” Langa pulled Reki into his body, wrapping his arms around the other boy, resting his forehead on Reki’s shoulder.

“Huh? B-but… I’m holding you back Langa, you’re miles ahead of me.” Reki tentatively fastened his arms around the boy leaning against him.

“Skateboarding isn’t the same when you’re not here with me.” Langa lifted his head of the other’s shoulder, looking deep into those opposing amber eyes. A wet sheen of tears obscuring their full colour.

“But why?! What is it about me that’s so special?” Reki balled up his fists in the sides of Langa’s shirt, feeling his hands quiver from tension.

“Because without you I wouldn’t be here right now, realising that I want to skate with you more than anyone else.”

A beat of silence passed, Reki’s tense hands loosening from the fabric of the other’s shirt.

“Don’t say that… you’ll make me feel too special.”

“I can make you feel more special.” Langa picked his head up and pressed a quick kiss to Reki’s cheek, pulling back with a small appreciative smile.

“You’re gonna be the death of me someday…”

**Author's Note:**

> Bye byeeee frens hopefully I'll be back with sum more fics also istg if the next episode yknow, episode 9.5, is a recap episode im gonna slam a single door
> 
> [also follow me for sk8 spieling](https://twitter.com/cootpancake)


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